I had told Steve Smith that I would never (I always regret using that word----almost as much as the word "always") break down and hire a Home Inspection Assistant the way he has done with Nutsy. It may be partially out of jealousy that I have "tentatively" changed my mind. Before Nutsy came along, Steve used to call me on the phone all the time----now it is "Nutsy-this" and "Nutsy-that" and our friendship has flown the coop. He even thinks Nutsy knows more about houses than I do. And while Nutsy may know how to slide down downspouts and get into attics from the gutters, that is, frankly, nothing I have aspired to do. I am usually in a position of advising people how to keep nutcases OUT OF THEIR ATTICS!
Perhaps it would be more accurate for me to say that I have taken on an assistant on a "trial basis." I am a little nervous that hiring her might turn into a sequel to some Hitchcock movie since she might have friends---and "I think you know what I mean by friends." I also feel it will be advantageous to have a "female" assistant to provide a more balanced service to my buyers----and she so obviously has better balance than I do----even as good a balance as that wire-walking Nutsy----and obviously she is better looking.
I knew I had to "re-think" my position when she tried to "take off" with the rope tied to the back of my vehicle and actually survived when she came to the end of the rope.
So we shall see how she works out. I already know she can do roofs better than me. She even checked out a flue liner the other day. I thought that might be the end of her interest in the job when she reported seeing the remains of her distant cousins on the fireplace smoke shelf. With that kind of commitment how can I even consider not keeping her around? Much will depend on the support (and/or abuse) she gets from you my loyal readers.
So please welcome----my Certiflied Home Inspection Assistant----Raven DeCroe.
Here is a picture of her doing her thing on the roof inspection----I can now say "we" walk any roof.
Charles Buell
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Aww Charlie, I can't believe you're jealous of that little cute Nutsy. You're even jealous enough to hire a CROW!! You shoulda hired a homing pidgeon because they are loyal and come home to you. That crow will fly off and you'll never see him her again. You certainly won't be able to put costumes on him her like cute Nutsy. Females are fickle also!
Barbara, did you know that crows can be trained to talk? I know Steve "talks" to Nutsy----but no way is Nutsy going to do anything more than chatter back to him:)
Charlie, we might try therapy. Your trying to find fault with Nutsy and your worry over losing Steve to that squirrel are possibly serious problems. Hiring a female crow is not the answer!! You can't even catch that stupid crow to try to train it to talk. Next you'll be trying to hire Rudolph. I actually thought you'd done that when I read the blog and something took off with a rope tied to your vehicle.
Barbara, you know the crow really did fly away with my rope----I thought it would break its crazy neck when the truck didn't go with it:)
So dad you have officially be come "the Man" (Crocodile blog) congratulations I guess. I hope you don't encounter any Murders of crows. I cant say a crow is the most reliable choice for they take frequent road kill brakes (with nutzy near by that might not be the worst thing in the world). They have a tendancy to poo all over the place... and they require constant supervision. Good luck...
Well, a plate of crow is one way of making us think before we speak. Been there , done that!
I hope that bird brain is smarter than the one the boss has out in the back yard. I think you might have made a dreadful hiring mistake.
Your business consultant,
Nutsy
Charlie,
I cannot believe that. Nutsy directed me to your post. This is the silliest decision you have ever made. Honestly. Carry lots of newspaper with you. Also watch the bird around any of your clients who might have shiny earrings. This is just so silly. You always have to go against the grain. German Shepherds are the standard for police dogs, labs are the standard for therapy dogs and squirrels are the standard for certifried home inspector assistants. What are you thinking? Are you thinking?
Klee, to continue the theme of eating squirrels the crow should be a great help.
William, I have found eating crow helpful in my life----given the numbe of times I have dined on it:)
Steve, are you prejudiced and not willing to give a bird a chance?
Nutsy, this is Raven. Do you see my sharp pointy beak? Well watch out, that is fur you are wearing---not armor.
I love Raven. I'm glad someone will be up on the roof with you. I couldn't bring myself to comment on the stretch marks post. It made me look for coco butter since I can't afford a plastic surgeon.
Mr Charlies,
So when you book inspections, do you now ask clients if, for an extra charge, they want you to give them the bird.
Very humbly and respectfully,
Your Friend Nutsy
Trained, certifried and competent home inspector assistant
Charlie,
Can you maybe use a photo of Raven from the other side. I do not have any newspaper around my monitor.
Disgusted in Bellingham
I think you made a GREAT choice Charlie! Raven will be able to get up on the roof in a second - without the assistance of downspouts and telephone wires. Poor nutsy...he always needs something to help him up there.
Tammy, thanks----sorry about the previous post---but like I said---I had to bring it up:)
Steve, given the farm yard and zoo you have there, nothing Raven does will even be noticed. Better go check your windshield:)
Kara, exactly, she just swoops in there. She also has no trouble finding food with all the road kill Nutsies around:) One time I saw Steve sling poor Nutsy up on the roof by his tail!
Darkwing Steve and Nutsy,
I work in stealth mode----note the black outfit? I am ninja bird inspector----the clients don't even know I am there.
Raven, Certiflied Inspector Assistant
What will you come up with next Charles? You have quite an imagination! I was cracking up as I read your post and then the comments... HILARIOUS!
Cheryl, the boss is out but I will fly right over there and give you a peck on the cheek---Raven
Maybe you guys should have some kind of contest? You know best assistant inspector of the year, or the like. Have us at AR vote for a winner.
Hmmmmmm.
BTW, did your title make your new assistant nervous? You know the part about eating crow.
Jack
Jack, I think Nutsy could crow all he wants but we know who the fans will be raven for:) Could be tough though because Nutsy has that dang "cute" thing going for him which clouds real judgement:)
Charlie,
Your idea is so silly it crashed Active Rain for almost 24 hours. Frankly, I think a pot-bellied pig might be a better choice. At least the two of you could go up the ladder at about the same pace.
I think youd be pretty hard pressed to find any kind pig capable of scaling a ladder faster than dad. You know he used to be quite nimble on in the vertical world.
Steve, Raven told me that your corn fed tree rat was so fat she had to give him a ride to the roof the other day.
Klee, about as "vertical" as Steve ever gets is when he dances with Nutsy----and we all know how talk Nutsy is.
Oh Sht, ROFL ..... I'm sure Raven will be a fine Ceriflied Assistant.... Problem is you will NEVER be able to fire her or else her whole family of Crows is likely to come after you.
HHHmm, I use to hunt crows back in Kentucky too.
Sean Allen
Sean it is a pretty good idea to avoid a "Murder of Crows." Did you have to eat some crow?
Squirrels and birds! Sounds like these could actually be the cause of some issues that you might find on a home inspection! I'd at least say that your inspector's assistants might be the very reason every homeowner should have a chimney cap!
Point taken Carol, but I gotta say I find WAY fewer problems created by birds and squirrels than I do by humans:)
Charles and Steve, can either Nutsy or Raven pass the licensing exam that WA is going to have or can they be 'grandfathered" in... Might be a good choice to hire now...
Charlie,
I recently interviewed this fellow for a possible assistants position. He seemed agile enough, but not to bright. Said his strength was plumbing. I am somewhat reluctant to hire him. Seems kind of a slippery character.
Mchael, Raven will just fly through the exam while Nutsy will squirrel from question to question.
James, well I can say at least it looks like he has earned his stripes. Plus there are many clients that you may be able to assist them in getting over their feas of snakes:)
Klee,
Stop living in the past. That was before your dad became a three cheese burger a day kind of a guy. Now he should raise his rates and hire a helicopter to lift both the pot-bellied pig and the inspector up onto the roof.
I think that Jame's assistant, if people ever saw him, would probably cost James about 90 percent of his client base.
Steve, I can attest to the fact that my boss eats like a bird----but I do agree with you about the snake----which I enjoy eating now and then by the way.
Raven
Appreciated the peck on the cheek Raven... you are so sweet!
My mind is made up based on your advice. This slithery character has been crossed off my list of potential assistants.
Given the "flighty nature" of your assistant, I hope she stays with you more than a week. If a squirrel gets run over by a truck, it's bye bye birdie.
I am currently also trying out a new assistant.
He is an excellent climber, not afraid of any roof, in fact it's hard to get him down sometimes. And the best part... he works for PEANUTS!! Meet "Mugsy".
Kevin, Home inspections are serious work. I think your assitant will monkey around more than inspect.
Cheryl P----hopefully it didn't hurt to much.
Kevin, I suspect he should work out better than Raven and Nutsy----if you can keep him from Monkeying around:)
Based on all of the interest in certifried home inspector assistants, it is apparent to me and the boss that there needs to be training put in place to make sure that these assistants are in fact trained and certifried.
Since I am the only experienced home inspector assistant, I am willing to travel to your location -- for a small fee -- and train your assistants so they are as competent and capable as I have recently become
I extend this offer to James, Charles, Kevin and anyone else who appreciates quality training.
Your instructor and friend
Nutsy
Certifried home inspector training consultant (VA approved classes)
Sorry Nutsy----fresh out of peanuts. Are you sure you don't want to be "certiflied" like Raven. Perhaps Raven could give you a lift and "drop you off" sometime.
"Mugsy" says you guys monkey around enough, he doesn't need to. :)
"Mugsy" is also a graduate with honors from the "Prime Eight Inspection Institute" which many other accredited schools have tried to ape, but have not been successful. He says "You can go bannanas trying to figure out all the accreditations these days, such as "certifried", "certiflied" etc. but you can always count on a "Prime Eight" to give it to you Straight".
Kevin, a monkey that can't monkey? Sounds strange----or at least a contradiction in terms. The Prime Eight Institute sounds like the place to go for real training. Most of Nutsy's training came from dogging 18 wheelers on the interstate. The crow is still Raven about her trainin' aviary good school:)
I find all of these home inspector assistant wannabes totally out of their league and insulting.
Nutsy
The Only certifried home inspector of the lot
Charles, If Nutsy gets turned into a veggie by a truck, I have known then I guess that your assistant will have something to crow about... Maybe even have lunch with Nutsy...
Bubba, you sure got that right! And a mighty fine lunch a corn fed squirrel would make too.
Charlie,
Lay off Nutsy, he will outlive you.
I think it is time to call in the "shrink". My friend, you have gone off the deep end.
Steven, the odds are against that I am afraid.
Carl and Ceil, as I scrolled down to the bottom of these comments----I gotta agree with you:)
Charles that OK, I well understand. We have been playing make believe blog-along's with our NBA Spurs, we have everybody blog, bring food, and even had costumes last week. You should come visit and blog- along with us. We do this the whole season.
Spurs vs Mavericks Drop by. Dale is giving us the election update while we blog.
How can a fuzzy-tailed, fence-walking, nut-hoarding squirrel compete with a high flying Raven (with razor-sharp vision), and a PE educated primate?
Sorry Nutsy, Mugsy & Raven are what the people are cravin'.
Charlie,
I like your new picture--you look so angelic!
Finding this post again, nearly 3 years later, it is clear that Nutsy was the superior beast. Raven is long gone.
Not really---Nutsy cheats.
It seems impossible that it has been three years since poor Raven was bested by my cat and the very competent Nutsy, private investigator. Perhaps Nutsy will write a book someday about his successes.
Barbara, one thing is for sure is that the "final chapter" will taste good