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FAR SIDE OF THE ATTIC, Chapter 3

(first bit)

(second bit)

Chapter 3

"Out of the Attic"


      Several days passed and I completely forgot my buyer and the agent outside the attic (man is my wife going to be pissed).  Sarcastically I thought to myself how great for business this was going to be and how it would probably be the last referral I would get from that agent.  My wife will kill me----but I will survive.  We always joke about her being an “inspection widow” when she has to watch movies alone due to my working on reports all night.  Relationships can be a whole other side of a different kind of attic----difficult at times to assess ----never mind access.

     For some reason, being where I was seemed to make perfect sense.  It made sense in spite of not being able to make any sense as to where “here” actually was.  It was kind of like I had both choice and no choice all at the same time.  Weird.

Real Maple Syrup     The apartment was an eclectic visual feast.  The smell of pancakes and real maple syrup----and cinnamon----filled the room.  There were Tibetan carpets covering the walls and a row of brightly colored skis created a room divider.  A giant fish tank, with a very large and hard working plecostomus, bubbled away near the window.  I couldn’t see through the window----as if either its seals had been broken for many years or it was covered with some amorphous film.  I wanted so badly to be able to get my bearings.

     There was a Monopoly game set up for four players on the Lake & Company Realty sign doubling as a coffee table----and it was obvious that one of the players thinks they are Donald Trump.

     There was a 24” tall candle----the likeness of Antonio Banderas as Zorro----standing next to the fireplace.  Wax was dripping off the brim of his hat into the hole in his glove where his sword should be.  There was also the entire VHS collection of Planet of the Apes----all five of them.

     I had learned that ice-pack girl’s name was Lara (apparently her parents were huge fans of Dr. Zhivago----even though she herself had not seen the movie).  She worked at Trader Joe’s, was going to night school to become a nurse and her kids went to North Beach Elementary School in Ballard.  All normal sounding enough.  However, I was perpetually plagued with questions of where “here” was.

    From the other room, where the kids were playing, I heard the boy scream in frustration for having landed on a “Licorice Square.” 

     I learned that Lara's husband had been tragically killed by a drunk driver 8 years earlier and that she graduated from Ballard High School in 1998.  She and her husband had owned a house together but she could not afford to keep it on just her income so she came to live where she is now----after living with her parents for a month.  All of this stuff should be easy enough to verify.  If only I had my I-Phone, I could have gotten to the bottom of it all, right then and there.  She could tell by the skeptical look on my face that I didn’t really believe her.

     She took me to the breakfast nook where she had her laptop.  She showed me stuff on the internet that confirmed everything she was saying.  Now I was really curious.  We spent several hours searching the web----about her---even the newspaper account of her husband’s death----and then about me, my business, my wife and kids----Facebook.  Everything was a seamless, consistent, stream of incontrovertible facts----facts that painted a very clear picture of the “truth”----that things were the way they were.  I slowly came to terms with the reality that the demand to “know” was preventing my enjoyment of being alive during the times of not knowing.  It miraculously, no longer mattered that I could not explain where “here” was.  There is freedom in small favors.

     The next morning when I woke up, someone with really bad pepperoni pizza breath was shining a very bright and annoying light in my eyes----first one eye then the other.  I heard them say, “Equal and responsive.”

 

Charles Buell, Seattle Home Inspector

 

 

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Seattle Home Inspector

 

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Comment balloon 27 commentsCharles Buell • September 15 2010 09:12AM

Comments

That was some dream, Charlie. And now I know what to do with my open house signs when I retire.

Posted by Glenn Roberts (Retired) about 9 years ago

A good, well written tale. Inspection widow, my wife would say the same :)

Posted by James Quarello, Connecticut Home Inspector (JRV Home Inspection Services, LLC) about 9 years ago

equal and responsive....

Posted by Alan May, Helping you find your way home. (Jameson Sotheby's International Realty) about 9 years ago

Mr Charles,

I suspect that this is a story of you falling off the ladder while traversing the roof.

Nutsy

Posted by Steven L. Smith, Bellingham WA Home Inspector (King of the House Home Inspection, Inc.) about 9 years ago

Tell me another story!  Well written, you have a talent.

Posted by Jason M. Keith, Equal Housing Lender (Caliber Home Loans) about 9 years ago

Was Rod Sterling there?  I see Nutsy has made his appearance!  and life only get stranger.

Posted by Gene Riemenschneider, Turning Houses into Homes (Home Point Real Estate) about 9 years ago

So did the sliding hatch into another world (the world of dreams) come down on your head and knock reality out?

The equal and responsive thing I have heard before.  EMT's and ER docs have said that to me on several occasions.

Posted by Jack Gilleland (Home Inspection and Investor Services, Clayton) about 9 years ago

Oh, and by the way, are you ok.

Posted by Jack Gilleland (Home Inspection and Investor Services, Clayton) about 9 years ago

I can tell you're missing your buddy Nutsy.  He was evidently the link between you and reality.  Without him......well......ummmm   That story "quacked" me up.  : )

Posted by Barbara S. Duncan, GRI, e-PRO, Executive Broker, Searcy AR (RE/MAX Advantage) about 9 years ago

Charles - But is the dream reality, or reality the dream?  Will the "real" Charles please stand up.

Posted by John Mulkey, Housing Guru (TheHousingGuru.com) about 9 years ago

But, Charles, this leaves me questioning why there was really bad pepperoni pizza breath.

Posted by Kate Kate about 9 years ago

I'm really confused now... I can only assume you knocked yourself out cold in an attic.  I read the part about the 'inspection widow' aloud to my wife - she got a good chuckle out of that.  

Posted by Reuben Saltzman, Delivering the Unbiased Truth. (Structure Tech Home Inspections) about 9 years ago

Reuben... oh, no... you read part of Charle's story out loud... if you say "inspection widow" out loud three times, it'll release Charles from the blog... and he'll be a real-live-boy.  (well, maybe not a "boy", per se.... but real and live... ).

Careful what you speak, children will listen.

Posted by Alan May, Helping you find your way home. (Jameson Sotheby's International Realty) about 9 years ago

Alan, have you personally ever had to hear that?

Nutsy, don't you have a stove-pipe to clean?

Jason, thanks

Gene, Nutsy is the definition of strange

Jack, you may have to blog about that now

Jack, I am OK----not sure about my poor readers though

Barbara, and a thin link it was

John, still lying down here

Kate, isn't pizza the only thing EMT's eat?

Rueben, the true measure of a good home inspector?

Alan, you speak the truth-----3 times in a row

Posted by Charles Buell, Seattle Home Inspector (Charles Buell Inspections Inc.) about 9 years ago

Charlies,

I feel I am now on the other side of the mirror...

-Brent

Posted by Brent & Deb Wells, Prosper TX (LivingWell Properties) about 9 years ago

Very well written! Equal and responsive...

Posted by Home Loan Search.Online (Home Loan Search Online) about 9 years ago

Alan - I was careful not to utter his name aloud ;)

Posted by Reuben Saltzman, Delivering the Unbiased Truth. (Structure Tech Home Inspections) about 9 years ago

Mr Charles,

You are a total and crazy raging loonatic. Nutsy, the one who knows.

Posted by Steven L. Smith, Bellingham WA Home Inspector (King of the House Home Inspection, Inc.) about 9 years ago

Brent, watch out for the reflection

Darrell, thanks

Reuben, I heard that!

Nutsy, OK----now what?

Posted by Charles Buell, Seattle Home Inspector (Charles Buell Inspections Inc.) about 9 years ago

I would say that you have gone goofy. That is my thoughts.

Nutsy

Posted by Steven L. Smith, Bellingham WA Home Inspector (King of the House Home Inspection, Inc.) about 9 years ago

Great story and very well written. 

Posted by Diane Osowiecki, Greater Nashville Real Estate (Diane O and Friends - Benchmark Realty) about 9 years ago

Nutsy, at least I don't have 300 personalities

Diane, thanks----glad you liked it.

Posted by Charles Buell, Seattle Home Inspector (Charles Buell Inspections Inc.) about 9 years ago

So what happened in the end?  Were you responsive to the pepperoni with the flashlight?  Did Aslan come?  How about Hammerman?  That's the guy you really needed.

And most of all, did you leave your pajamas at that party?

Actually I enjoyed it!  And you, my friend, have too much time on your hands...

Posted by Jay Markanich, Home Inspector - servicing all Northern Virginia (Jay Markanich Real Estate Inspections, LLC) about 9 years ago

Jay, wouldn't pepperoni breath wake up even the dead?  You didn't really think it was the defibrillator paddles that did it did you?

Posted by Charles Buell, Seattle Home Inspector (Charles Buell Inspections Inc.) about 9 years ago

Charles, I have been remiss in visiting lately and this post is a jewel and what a treat that it was featured! Nice work my friend!

Posted by Russell Lewis, Broker,CLHMS,GRI (Realty Austin, Austin Texas Real Estate) about 9 years ago

Russell, thanks---glad you liked it----I was pleasantly surprised to see it get featured.

Posted by Charles Buell, Seattle Home Inspector (Charles Buell Inspections Inc.) about 9 years ago

Charles, thanks for the brief diversion from reality. (or was it?) Very well written!

Posted by Jeffrey Jonas- Minnesota Home Inspector (Critical Eye Property Inspections / JRJ Consultants) about 9 years ago

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