I have been missing from the Rain for a few days so that I could travel to Connecticut for the funeral of my dad who passed away on April 10th----just shy of his 92nd birthday. I was going to say that he passed away after a long illness but that is not as accurate as saying that he passed away after a long, full and interesting life. Sure the end was perhaps drawn out, and----he was blessed with never loosing his great mind----right up until the end. It is often said that, in the end, the person with the most toys “wins,” but I find that, since you can’t take My Dad left with, and left behind, a lot more stories than most are blessed with----stories that will counter for a long time the “sound-bite” that represents most of our obituaries----unless we are lucky enough to die an ex-president. Some would likely not choose to have lived some of the stories he lived. Some of them perhaps even my dad would not choose to live a second time. But the point is to “live” the stories----not to let them “live” you. To become a “character” as the result of your life as opposed to a character in your life. My dad’s life reminds me of the story of the two monks walking along the river. Now these monks were sworn to a life of celibacy and were not allowed to have any contact with women. This led to many monks simply shunning all contact with women to avoid the possibility of any issues-----or the “appearance” of impropriety. When they got to the river-crossing there was a woman trying to get across but she was afraid of the swift current. The older monk whisked up the woman in his arms and carried her across the river much to the amazement and disapproval of his younger companion. They continued along on their journey in silence until the younger monk could no longer contain himself. Suddenly he asked the older monk how he could possibly have carried the woman across the river----and did it not bother him at all to have done so? The older monk replied, “Oh----are you still carrying her? I left her at the river.” My dad was able to live his life this way----sometimes those of us around him did not “get it” either, and spent unnecessary time dwelling on things that no longer existed for him---or more importantly were quite possibly not the truth to begin with. He was able to claim a fair amount of fame for himself as one of the first hybridizers of commercial Gloxinias in the world----creating many hybrids of his own, and introducing them to the US market place. Gloxinias are now common all over the world as the result of what he started more than 70 years ago in a porch window. I can not begin to tell even a reasonable portion of his many stories here (but they will no doubt continue to come out in my blog), and the point of this post is not so much the stories themselves but the idea that he was able to instill in his children and the people around him of the importance of collecting our own stories----to eliminate the need for an extensive bucket list at the end.
those things with you, it is the person with the most “stories” wins. Not only does the person get to take the stories with them, but the people left behind get to remember those stories even more “accurately” than the person that lived them. We also get to embellish them in ways that give them an even bigger life. Certainly that person lives on through those stories more than through anything physical that the person leaves behind.
Charles Buell
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Charles this is a moving and beautiful tribute. I was close to my father but he did not live as long as yours! However, he shared the fact that "he passed away after a long, full and interesting life."Thanks too for the wonderful story. Best to you and yours!
Charles......I look forward to the stories and sorry for your loss. I wish I could remember just a small portion of the stories that my grandfather told. He was an aviation genius and was a character. It is a big part of our history.
Charles, he sounds like an awesome person who left those who knew him with many wonderful memories. Though he has passed on he certainly won't be forgotten. My prayers are with you and your family.
I am sorry to read that you lost your Father. Looking forward to reading some of the stories.
Russell, thanks----even short lives can have incredible stories.
Libby, don't even get me started about my grandparents:)
I hope you write all those stories down. I have literally thousands of stories from my wise old grandmother who adopted me when I was just short of 11. She died in 2003 at age 92.
I think it's funny how many "backward" societies worship their elderly, who are wise and experienced, while we "civilized" societies push ours off into nursing homes, retirement homes, and assisted living centers, so that we don't have to deal with them. So sad.
Readers should take advantage of videocameras, voice recorders, cell phones, and the Internet to record those stories and all that wisdom and experience. I did, although I've had to cut down the hours I spend on it due to two full-time businesses and a new venture coming online currently.
Nice post and tribute, and I'll think of your dad next time I'm looking at gloxinias.
Suesan, thanks
Gita thanks----some of these stories have already found their way into past posts---more will come I am sure.
Hi Charles , Sorry for your loss hope I live 2 be 92! Nice story and message!
Thanks Russel
Thanks Karen----if I am healthy at 92 I am all for it:)
Charlie,
My mom raised gloxinias. Not that I know what they are. I will have to refresh my memory.
Wow, great story. My own father is in failing health right now so this is a really timely and important post for me to read. thank you!
Steve, top center of the picture is a Gloxinia
Stuart, thanks---we all get to this point don't we?
Charles, what a wonderful testament to your father. I lost my dad a year and a half ago, and he was totally loopy from some sort of dimentia after a life of being a total brainiac. You're lucky your dad was still lucid.
Big hug!
Pat thanks for your thoughts, my heart goes out to you---when the brain goes before the body it can be so tragic.
Hi Charles...I'm sorry for your family's lose. Yet, how wonderful that you have so many stories to keep your dad close to you always.
My mom turned 92 on April 10th and we treasure the time we have with her.
Kate
We missed you. That is a lovely tribute to your father and we are all sorry about your loss of your father.
Charlie - What a beautiful tribute to your father. I am sorry for your loss. My dad had a stroke a few years back and he lost a bit, but one thing we are all thankful for is that his mind is keen. Even though he is now handicapped and can barely talk or walk, he lives a full life still because he has his mind and he can communicate enough to let us know how happy he is for THAT. I am glad for you and your family that your dad lived his last days with a keen mind. And, don't we just love the stories that come from our parent's generation? Indeed, many of the old folks were characters - and heros that endured harder times than we can ever imagine.
On another note, sorry I missed you this weekend. It sure would have been great to meet up. Everything happened so fast and by the time I heard from that agent to get the okay it was 9pm. ...Just as well, heard today that there could be buyer at their heels and that means competiion will raise the price, along with a feeling of having to rush into things. I want it to be a good experience, not one that makes them feel pressured. I'm sure you would agree.
How great is that my friend. Charles my father passed away at 56 and I know he had many things left on his bucket list. I'm 55 and I know I do...
Thanks, Charlie, for writing and sharing this beautiful piece. I wish I could have met him! Your post reminds me of an expression (but I'm not sure this is right): it's not how many days you live, it's how many you remember! welcome back home.
Charles, my condolence to you my friend and your family. That is a beautiful and wonderful tribute to your Dad.
~ Life is Good
Charles, I can't say I know how you feel, but can imagine. My father is now 84 and he has had a long and extremely interesting life. My condolences and wishes for very fond memories.
Charles, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Your Dad sounds like a wonderful person. I would have loved to hear his stories and look forward to hearing your renditions of his most memorable ones here on the Rain.
Kate, thanks
Barbara, thanks----I always go through withdrawal when I am away from the rain:)
Carol, yes the stories are great. It was so weird to be in the car with Reena talking to you and not actually get to meet you----I felt like they are in great hands----they will find the right house I am sure.
Paul, I think we are born with a bucket list----it is important to get to them early.
Chrissy, I love seeing you on my blog! Thanks for the nice comment.
Roy thanks
Jack thanks-----and pump your dad for those stories while you still can:)
Charles, Sorry to hear about your Dad. I did like the two monks analogy...
Your building consultant for Life in Nashville, TN
This is a beautiful tribute to your father. I lost my dad about a year ago. My sympathies to you.
Charles, I'm so sorry to hear about your father. My sympathies to you and your family. So, with the flowers - was it something he did on purpose or was it one of those accidental discoveries?! Pretty cool either way. U have a green thumb like him? The monk story was great - I had never heard it before.
Charles, Your Father is lucky to have you as a son. Please continue to share his stories. My Dad turned 90 recently. Hurray for dads. kate ford
Maria, thanks
Michael, thanks----it is a cool story isn't it?
James, thanks
Kara, he taught himself how to cross-pollinate----creating seeds that he could select out for different qualities and cross them with other ones----until he got something he liked.
Kate, thanks